4 Responses

  1. gwen

    The refrain is a strong image, well-crafted. Of the four poems you submitted, I would say this is the strongest in its adherence to form, rhyme scheme, and rhythm. Well done.

    • Jonathan Blackbow

      FYI when I write, tbh I pay almost no attention to form unless it’s a drottkvaett. The vast majority of other stuff I write (blackbow.trobaire.org) is in response to an event that happened, whatever that event is. In those cases it’s almost always a “sea chanty” form simply because that’s what the words fit. IE “da da dum da da dum da da dum da da dum” rhythm. Iambic pentameter is cool and all, but the words I use tend to fit the “sea chanty” rhythm more than anything else. Rhyme scheme is something I TRY to stick with as much as possible but I will sacrifice it in favor of sticking with rhythm.

      Glad you liked it.

  2. Katja

    How incredibly evocative! Thanks so much for sharing this lovely poem.
    Katja Davidova Orlova Khazarina, OP, OL, CB, Thescorre